So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
