Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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