Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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