Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
