glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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