I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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