after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
