At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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