Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
