ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize