You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
