my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
