i was rollin on her like bob the builder
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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