FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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