Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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