please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
