Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
