i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
