It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
