I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
