Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
