I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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