dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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