saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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