i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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