Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
