i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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