I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
