I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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