i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize