Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
