I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
