Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
