I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
