Got a toothbrush?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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