P.S. I can't hear my feet
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i love accidental penises.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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