I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
