The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
