She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
