Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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