That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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