I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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