is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
