Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just found a bag of teeth...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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