I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
