my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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