happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize