someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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