Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize