do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
