I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
