Small penises have feelings too.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
