Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
try to milk me bitch
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
