you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
