Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
