If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
