I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
