just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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