WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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