no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
