You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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