Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
