My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize