Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
