im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
