My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
