the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
