He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
