I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
