On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
