I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
