I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
