I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't turn off my feet"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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