..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
