a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
