He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
