Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
