mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
