Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
