I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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