Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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