can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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