i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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