I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
