She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
