Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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