does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
