non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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