Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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