walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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