Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
