Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize