Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
