Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
