I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
