what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
