either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
