I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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