bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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