just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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