I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
