Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize