Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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